If you are searching for information to help you get your ex back, then you may have heard the word No contact technique or No Contact rule (NC) many times. So what is NC? , is it effective enough? And should you use it?! All of these are valid questions that you may be asking yourself just right now. In this articles I will try to answer all these questions so that it could be easier for you to understand NC and to decide if it is for you or not.
What is the no contact rule?
No contact rule is a technique used to help you get your ex back after a break up. It means that you cut any form of contact with your ex, and not getting in touch with her in a way or another. In other words, you completely disappear from her life.
While it may sound counter intuitive, the no contact rule is the most powerful technique all the time, however it is not for everyone.
The no contact rule after a break up
What makes lots of men fail applying the no contact is that they think of it as a mind game or a trick that they can temporarily use as a fast solution to help them get the woman back and then stop it. No contact rule is not about tricking your woman or making her feel guilty, jealous or even lost. No contact is a strategy more than a tactic, and you must focus on the strategy behind the no contact rule than the tactic itself. No contact is more concerned of stealing the power from your ex-girlfriend/wife and giving it back to you.
No contact rule and the power game
Put this rule into your mind:
“The more someone is interested in a relationship, the less power he will have”
Right now, most of the power is with her not you, and according to the above rule this means a lot of power which in turn means less interest in the relationship and getting back to you.
With that said, it is now clear that in order to make your girlfriend more interested in the relationship and getting back with you, you simply have to take the power from her.
So, to sum it up, you need to make her interested again in the relationship, thus you have to take the power she already has now from her and the technique that will be used to do this is that you will break up with her exactly as she did.
You have to realize that I’m not talking about (faking it).. You have to actually overcome your break-up and get over her and you should trust me and agree with me on this before proceeding a bit.
Now the important question is “How you will actually get this power from her?” Well, I think you have guessed the answer, yes it is right.. The no contact rule!
Does No Contact Rule Work?!!
A common question is: isn’t it right that cutting contact with my ex will push her into seeing another guy? and if this no contact rule is going to work?!!
The answer is really simple: Yes the no contact works perfectly in many cases and it will not drive your ex into falling in love with another guy simply because relationships do not work like this. My proof?! Well, she dumped you, right? Did that push you into seeing another girl?! Of course no. So do not even worry about this at all.
You may be telling yourself that it is nonsense if you tried to cut all contact with you ex while in fact you are willing to get her back! This is normal, but let me ask you a question: what is the alternative in your opinion? To persuade her to stay with you? To beg her to love you? Believe me it is not going to work.
Persuasion will never work this way… Women are not logical like us men, and as David d’angelo said : Attraction is not a choice or let me correct it a bit and say it is not a conscious choice. She is not going to use her mind to assess the situation as we men do. She just fell like this or like that and she acts based on those feelings, so trying to change her mind will never work. What only ever works is changing her feelings. How? The secret lies in reverse psychology.
No contact rule and reverse psychology
Reverse psychology: is trying to influencing someone to do something by telling them to do the complete opposite thing. It is a form of motivation by manipulating the other person.
For example: you want your little sister to do her homework so you may say something like “I bet you cannot finish your homework tonight” and so she will make her best to prove you wrong and get her homework done. This also explains why we appreciate what we cannot have. Everyone is trying to protect his/her ego and by trying to persuade them or tell them what to do, you are triggering their ego protectors, and so they will completely do the opposite thing.
So what does this have to do with no contact rule and getting your ex back?
Well in fact it is the same, no contact works on getting her to contact you by cutting all contacts. You are just telling her that she is also no more welcome in your life, or in other words you dump her as she did and reject her as she did. She will feel exactly what you feel now. So if you want her to come back, just tel her not to come back as you no longer want her in your life. Simple like that.
You may be thinking that your girl is too stubborn… in fact, the good news is, the more stubborn she is, the more she will try to protect her ego and the more it is easier to get her back by applying no contact.
Just a note: reverse psychology needs to be used the right way and in the right time. The secret that it works is that the other person takes the lure and try to resist or oppose you by doing what you really want, however if the other person could guess that you are tricking him. The situation may even become worse than it is.
So to sum up all the effects of no contact:
1) on your girl:
- No contact will make her confused.
- No contact will make her respect you, miss you and appreciate your presence in her life.
- No contact will cause her to doubt herself and her decision.
- No contact may even cause her to regret her decision of breaking up with you.
- No contact will make her come back while thinking that she is the one tricking you to get back with her
2) On you:
- You have time to work on your dating skills.
- You take the chance to learn from your past mistakes.
- Have time to improve your look by hitting the gym, getting some fashionable clothes and a stylish haircut.
- You Get ready emotionally for the moment you meet her again.
Who should use the no contact technique? Should you?
In fact, the no contact is not for everyone. You will learn why later in this article, however, for now, you have to be sure that you fit in one or more of the following categories, otherwise DO NOT use no contact. The following lines indicate certain cases in which, one can use no contact to get her girlfriend/wife back:
- Your relationship can be described as a well-established relationship: it is not relatively new or too short. The point here is to make sure that your girlfriend will miss you when you disappear from her life. Let’s face it! Who cares about a guy that she knew for just two weeks. Simply, she will not suffer when you are not there for her. An exception to this rule is when she does not have a balanced social life or she was too dependent on you. The keyword here is that she should suffer when you disappear, even if it is not a great suffering.
- She dumped you and it is an official break up: she was the one who ended the relationship, and she announced it or blatantly told you that it is over. She did not determine a specific reason as she just was not interested or she said some lame excuses like:
- She is not good for you, and you deserve someone better than her.
- She needs space.
- She wants to see new people
- She just wants to be alone
- She feels like she is still not ready for a relationship.
All those are lame excuses that she uses as a good reason to break up with you without feeling guilty. So, in case that she is the one who ended the relationship, you certainly should use the no contact.
The only exception to this rule is if she dumped you because you cheated or lied to her, or any other big mistake, and when I say big I mean big ones. In this case you should use the reframing techniques mentioned here, however, if it is a small mistake which she uses as a lame excuse to dump you, just call her to say sorry, and start no contact right away.
So, if you do fit in one or more of the above categories then start NC right now, otherwise, stay away from this technique. Just for example, if you dumped her, do not use NC. If you cheated on her, of course do not use the no contact rule.
Does No Contact work on men as well?
This is an update as after i wrote the post i received many emails from women asking if the no contact rule can work on men. In other words can a woman get her husband or boyfriend back using the no contact rule??
The answer is YES. A woman can get her man back using no contact and this is simply because the no contact is just a technique and the strategy behind it heavily depends on reverse psychology which works on any human either it be a man or a woman, but i write with men in mind, and that’s why i talk about how guys can use no contact rule to get their women back.
So let’s be clear about it..
- No contact rule works for a man who wants to get his woman back.
- No contact rule works for a woman who wants to get her man back.
- No contact rule works even for a friend who wants to get his friend back!
If you have any questions about the no contact rule, please let me know and i will publish the answer here so that everybody can make use of it.
You may also want to check my ultimate guide on how to get your ex girlfriend back .
Matt Huston created the ex2 system and helped many guys get their ex girlfriends back. Not only Matt will tell you about killer tactics and techniques to get her back, but also he gives a complete guide named “Train your girlfriend” as a bonus to help you keep her after you get her back. You can read a complete review of the ex2 system here or you can listen to Matt’s free audio presentation here. ( Hint: the video may take some time to start so wait about 5 to 10 seconds for the video to load because there are too many people trying to access the server and watch that video).